Social dancing
In my last post I mentioned that I'm starting to get over my fear of social dancing. That's actually not quite true.
I realized last night that I have already gotten over my fear of social dancing.
It took me a while but the dance floor is no longer an intimidating place that makes me want to sit in a corner and hide.
Looking back it was ridiculous that I ever felt that way but then, most things we are scared of turn out to be silly after we have faced our fears.
So how did I get over my dance floor anxiety?
Well, it was actually pretty easy.
At one point I got really frustrated just sitting/standing while watching other people dance. As I was still afraid people would be bored dancing with me I decided to ask beginners to dance.
And when I say beginners I mean beginners. Girls that had just learned a basic step. These girls were delighted that anybody asked them to dance at all and had no idea if I did something wrong.
After getting comfortable dancing with absolute beginners I started asking people to dance that were slightly better and for the next couple of weeks I only danced with girls that were still below my level.
Then I stepped up a bit again.
I started asking people at my own level to dance and I realized something 'odd'.
It turned out that dancing with them was fun and not intimidating at all. And even though they were all used to dance with better dancers by now, none of them were bored.
Then a strange thing started to happen.
Girls were starting to ask me to dance.
And not just girls that I had danced with before but also some girls that I wouldn't ask yet as they were well above my level.
The first time it happened I experienced a pang of fear again. Here I was being asked to dance but one of the dancers I really admire. At first I wanted to make up an excuse and back out of it.
However when I was just a young boy (I think I was 10 at the time) I was taught that it is very rude to say 'no' when a lady asks you to dance (it's probably the only thing I remember from ballroom dancing). This early programming overcame my fear and we danced. Afterwards I thanked her telling her what a joy it was to dance with somebody that was so gracious and so easy to lead and her face lit up. That night I learned you can even make more experienced dancers feel good when, or in this case after, you dance with them.
Now I can dance comfortably (more or less comfortably anyway) with anybody.
If I feel a girl is a better dancer than me I will always tell her up front that I've only been dancing for about half a year but that's all. The paralyzing feeling that I used to have is completely gone.
Looking back it's all a bit frustrating.
I can now see myself improving and I realize that I could have improved so much more if only I had started sooner. I'm sure I would also have remembered a lot more of what I've been taught over the past couple of months as I would have repeated it more often while dancing.
On the other hand, it could be worse. I could still be sitting on the sidelines watching the other people have a great time.
I realized last night that I have already gotten over my fear of social dancing.
It took me a while but the dance floor is no longer an intimidating place that makes me want to sit in a corner and hide.
Looking back it was ridiculous that I ever felt that way but then, most things we are scared of turn out to be silly after we have faced our fears.
So how did I get over my dance floor anxiety?
Well, it was actually pretty easy.
At one point I got really frustrated just sitting/standing while watching other people dance. As I was still afraid people would be bored dancing with me I decided to ask beginners to dance.
And when I say beginners I mean beginners. Girls that had just learned a basic step. These girls were delighted that anybody asked them to dance at all and had no idea if I did something wrong.
After getting comfortable dancing with absolute beginners I started asking people to dance that were slightly better and for the next couple of weeks I only danced with girls that were still below my level.
Then I stepped up a bit again.
I started asking people at my own level to dance and I realized something 'odd'.
It turned out that dancing with them was fun and not intimidating at all. And even though they were all used to dance with better dancers by now, none of them were bored.
Then a strange thing started to happen.
Girls were starting to ask me to dance.
And not just girls that I had danced with before but also some girls that I wouldn't ask yet as they were well above my level.
The first time it happened I experienced a pang of fear again. Here I was being asked to dance but one of the dancers I really admire. At first I wanted to make up an excuse and back out of it.
However when I was just a young boy (I think I was 10 at the time) I was taught that it is very rude to say 'no' when a lady asks you to dance (it's probably the only thing I remember from ballroom dancing). This early programming overcame my fear and we danced. Afterwards I thanked her telling her what a joy it was to dance with somebody that was so gracious and so easy to lead and her face lit up. That night I learned you can even make more experienced dancers feel good when, or in this case after, you dance with them.
Now I can dance comfortably (more or less comfortably anyway) with anybody.
If I feel a girl is a better dancer than me I will always tell her up front that I've only been dancing for about half a year but that's all. The paralyzing feeling that I used to have is completely gone.
Looking back it's all a bit frustrating.
I can now see myself improving and I realize that I could have improved so much more if only I had started sooner. I'm sure I would also have remembered a lot more of what I've been taught over the past couple of months as I would have repeated it more often while dancing.
On the other hand, it could be worse. I could still be sitting on the sidelines watching the other people have a great time.
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